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I’ll try to keep this as objective as I can within the realm of language and literature. Good enough?”“Yes, ma’am,” I said. I was already a bit dejected. I’d put my heart into this story. Toughen up, old man.“Okay. Let’s start with the story arc. I think you could begin with something more dramatic that draws the reader into the story more rapidly. It’s the third page before we have a clue that they are boarding a spaceship. Lead with it. Even a simple a sentence of thought from the main character that said, ‘I took one last look at the earth before I boarded for my journey to the stars.’ Something that immediately sets the scene. Then you can deal with the weight of his baggage, the nods to people he knew and worked with, and the scurry of preparing his room and meeting his neighbors. The way it reads at the moment, he might be arriving on campus for his second year of college. Once you got past the slightly awkward opening, though, the story arc took shape in a well-defined. ”Linda asked, “What are you having tonight?”“I’ll try some of the stew. I think that you guys have some of the best stew around.” Ed replied remembering the last time that he had stew here.Linda looked thoughtful for a moment and then said, “It’s not so good today. Why don’t you try the meatloaf? It’s pretty good tonight.”Surprised Ed asked, “What’s wrong with the stew?”“It’s been sitting there for a while,” replied Linda. The stew had been made for lunch and they were going to throw it out soon.Ed said, “Okay, I’ll go with the meatloaf. Thanks for the recommendation.”Linda walked off with to submit the order to the cook. As she left, Ed thought about how she had steered him away from the stew. There was a time when she probably would have recommended it to him knowing that it wasn’t very good. That had been one of the major changes in his life, he was getting much better treatment by others around him.He thought about how to apologize to Sherry and Jim. After a lot of thought, he.
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